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Top 10 Friendship Killers – Avoid Them Like The Plague
Do you have “friendships” that are killing you? I mean, do you have the kind of friends who make you feel like you have to downplay your accomplishments or talents?
Do you have friends who are overly possessive? Back stabbing? Or are you one of those friends? In this article, I reveal the top 10 behaviors that are killing your friendships — and what you can do to be a better friend and have healthier friendships.
Friendship Killer #1 – Jealousy
I don’t know how it works with guys, but women are notoriously nasty. believe me I grew up with a very jealous and competitive mother who couldn’t stand for me to shine. In fact, she will be 75 in June, and she still hates me being a confident, confident woman because she feels so threatened.
I also grew up with 4 katty sisters whose sole purpose in life was to tear me down (and each other). So I know a thing or 2 about jealousy.
How to Spot Jealousy in a Friend
You know your friend is jealous when she behaves passive aggressively by constantly commenting (badly) about your boyfriend, your clothes, your lifestyle, etc. and you find yourself having to play down your accomplishments and talents just to keep her from going crazy. or start being competitive.
Jealousy destroys relationships because you can never be happy for the other person. And the very essence of friendship is support for each other.
Advice: If you are the jealous type, ask yourself why you feel so less than. Build your self-esteem by doing honorable things for yourself and others.
If your friend is the jealous one, have a serious conversation with her. Tell her that you want to be supportive, but that you can’t and won’t be in a friendship that’s full of jealousy.
Besides, I don’t talk to my mother anymore – and I will only deal with one of my sisters. Yes. It was that bad
Friendship Killer #2 – Selfishness (Narcissism)
With selfish friends, it’s always about them. Everything has to be on their terms. If you don’t go along with their program, they try to make you feel guilty, put you down, etc.
Tip: You may just be dealing with someone who doesn’t realize they are being selfish. If that’s the case, you need to gently tell your friend how her behavior is affecting you.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may want to end the friendship because it will always be one sided.
Friendship Killer #3 – The Manipulator
The manipulative friend can never be direct. They know your weaknesses, so they suggest when they want you to do something, knowing that you will fall for their manipulation – hook, line and sinker.
Tip: Tell your friend nicely that you would appreciate it if she were more direct with you.
Friendship Killer #4 – Possessiveness
I had a friend who would always put down any other friend I wanted to hang out with because she couldn’t stand me being with anyone else. When I wanted to include others in activities, she vehemently objected.
Tip: Smothering someone — telling them they can’t have other friends — is a sign of fear of abandonment. If you are the one behaving possessively, ask yourself why you are so afraid of losing your friend. If your friend owns one, ask her the same – gently of course.
Then seek therapy.
Friendly Killer #5 – The Critic
With the critic, you can never win. Sometimes you can almost win, but inevitably the critic will find something wrong with you or what you’ve done, what you’re wearing, etc.
Being around someone who is overly critical is devastating to your psyche and your self-worth.
Tip: Leave the friendship. People who are overly critical will always raise the bar just out of your reach. It’s a no-win situation. Cut your losses.
Friendly Killer #6 – The Blaster
The blaster always keeps you off balance. It’s their way of controlling you. Being friends with a blaster is like walking through a minefield. You never know what will set them off. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is not healthy and hinders the growth of both parties.
Tip: Tell your friend to look for rage, or you’ll disappear.
Friendly Killer #7 – Greed
Everyone gets a twinge of jealousy sometimes. But when it’s constant in your friendship — that’s bad. Desire goes hand in hand with jealousy. But it is a closer cousin to envy.
Your envious friend always wants what you have. The mindset is “there aren’t enough to go around, so I want what’s yours.”
Tip: Tell your friend that you feel her envy and that it is uncomfortable. Tell her if she acts on her greed, you will be with her less.
Friendly Killer #8 – Disloyalty
God I hate disloyal people. Disloyal friends are the backstabbing. Gossip. They are the ones you share confidence with and then you hear about it on the 6:00 news. They are the ones who laugh at you when you fall – instead of helping you up.
Here’s the deal. I don’t think people should be loyal to a fault. But be loyal until your friend no longer deserves your loyalty.
Advice: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Friendly Killer #9 – Liars
Liars annoy me. You can’t trust them. Once upon a time And you can’t have friendship without trust.
Advice: Confront your friend about their lies. Tell them that you can’t trust them if they lie to you all the time and that trust is an important and necessary part of friendship.
Friendly Killer #10 – Being Too “Busy”
Relationships are not one sided. Everyone is busy. But friendships take time and effort. You have to decide if you really want the friendship because it takes an investment.
So if your friend always says she’s “busy,” it just means she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
Advice: I would see how often she tells me she’s too busy to hang out before I pull the plug on the friendship.
Conclusion
Friendships are an important part of life. So you want to make sure you’re not drained by the people who are supposed to be uplifting to you. This advice is valid any type of a relationship.
So, start paying close attention to your circle of friends and see if any of them fit into one or more of the “friendship killer” categories. Then do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
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