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ADHD Parenting: How to Control Your Anger
Parenting a child with ADHD can bring out the best and worst in a parent. No matter how patient and committed you are to helping your child’s recovery, the behavior of ADHD children triggers anger and frustration in moms and dads around the world. How do you avoid blowing up at your child? Here are three tips that can help.
Keep your perspective
Every parent has an anger button that is too easily pushed by their ADHD children (and sometimes their “normal” children as well). It’s normal to get angry from time to time, but there are parents who are so angry that everyone in the household goes out of their way. Try to control your anger using this exercise. First, divide your child’s misdeeds into two categories – the “little things,” which are small annoyances that aren’t worth getting angry about, and the “big things,” behaviors that hurt others, themselves, or household items and require an immediate response .
Condition yourself to prevent the little things from getting to you. The next time your ADHD child knocks over a glass, try telling yourself the following things. Keep saying them to yourself over and over again until you are conditioned to control your anger.
- I am angry, but I can control my anger.
- Accidents happen.
- We can all learn something from this.
- I am angry because of the mistake, not because of my child.
The next time a real “little thing” happens, you can take a deep breath, stay calm, and plan a strategy. You are still angry of course, but this anger is in control; instead of throwing a tantrum, you can firmly lecture or point out the mistake. It takes some practice, but you’ll be better able to cope with the troublesome aspects of your child’s ADHD once your emotions are under control. Life with the children becomes a little easier.
Use anger as your ally
When kept in perspective, anger can be very helpful because it signals that something is wrong. Use your anger to correct your child’s misbehaviors. For example, parents of hyperactive ADHD children get mad when their little ones can’t stop running around the house. Instead of focusing on how much you hate the move, try to identify what situations or objects trigger this behavior. Is it food? Is your child bored? Use your anger to learn creative ways to avoid these triggers.
Beware of situations that trigger anger
Is your situation in life currently making you angry? Going through a divorce and losing a job are some examples of life situations that can understandably drive a person crazy. But realize that this situation makes it difficult for you to tolerate your child’s behavior. Small things easily become big. If the situation makes you angry, it may help to prepare your family and warn them that you can be upset from time to time. If you do lose your temper, forgive your child, but expect similar apologies when he or she acts up.
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