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Don’t Say This to Parents Whose Children Have Autism

If your child has autism, then you are a go-to target for friends, relatives and even strangers to offer unsolicited advice. You realize they have good intentions, but it’s still a very painful experience. We have compiled a list of common mistakes that people make. When talking to parents whose children have autism, here are some things you should never say.

AUTISM DOES NOT MEAN DEAF

You are chatting with your friend and you notice that her child is engaging in some strange behavior. You wonder and you ask “What is he doing? Does he always do this?” Questions like these put a parent in a very difficult situation. They are also very damaging to the self-esteem of the autistic child. The child may not look up at you, but he heard what you said.

A common misconception is that people with autism do not understand the world around them. Nothing could be further from the truth. People with autism may not respond or react in typical ways. They may not talk much but they understand what is being said. Remember that many of them have keen hearing and can hear what you are saying clearly across the room.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

You are standing in line at a busy store. The woman in front of you is struggling to keep her sanity intact. Her child runs away and pushes items from the sales racks to the ground. “What an insolent child” you think to yourself. “His mother should discipline him better!”

Don’t jump to conclusions yet. It is very possible that the child has autism. Even if you’re tempted, don’t roll your eyes and shake your head dismissively with other customers. This mom faces judgment every time. You will cheer her up if you smile broadly at her. Then offer to save her place in line so she can redirect her child.

DISCIPLINARY COUNCIL

You are visiting a friend whose child has autism. Her child is struggling to build a tower and he accidentally knocks it over. Devastated at his mistake, he flies into a rage and throws the blocks through the air. Your friend defuses the situation but you don’t approve of the way she’s handling it. Shocked by her son’s inappropriate outburst, you offer some good advice and share your discipline tactics.

Children with autism often do not respond to conventional methods of discipline. This mom deals with more than you can imagine and has probably tried every discipline tactic in the book. She is afraid that you will judge her actions. A warm smile and a quick change of subject will do wonders for her.

To all parents whose children have special needs, we praise and commend you! Your path is rocky, full of joy and challenges. To all others, we stand in gratitude. Your love and support is immeasurable for parents and their special needs children. Thank you for standing by their side.

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