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How Are You Supposed to Feel When a 29 Year Old Man Dies in Your Arms?

You know the world is a strange place. On the 18th of February 2010, I stayed in the Travelodge in Galway with my 5 kids and my wife. I was booked to speak at the opening of Adlanticside collage in Bundorren in Co Donegal, Ireland on the coming Saturday. So I decided to bring the wife and kids away for a few days. As it is a five hour plus drive we decided to brake the trip in Galway as its a nice town.

We arrived and went out to eat out as usual, went to a nice Italian restaurant so the kids could get pizza, we were all in great spirits. Back to the hotel at around 10 pm. The older kids had the room across the hall and we were in our room with the younger ones, the joy of travelling with 5 kids. Anyway I was pretty tired so drifted off while the kids were watching TV. Around 12.30 I was woken to screams.

I assumed it was some teenagers messing, but it went again. It was a scream of terror, so I jumped up out of bed. My oldest Son rang my mobile just as I was opening the door and I told him I was going to take a look. To be honest I assumed it was a young couple having a row and at worst I would have to give some guy a slap, so I could go back to sleep. I was not prepared at all for what I saw. My oldest son and i set off up the hall to see what the hell was going on.

As we rounded the corner of the corridor we saw a crowd of people. There was a lot of confusion, I asked one lady what was happening, she said ‘a young guy collapsed on the floor, he has white foam from his mouth. ‘So being me I went into the room and saw a young lady in a towel and she was frantic. I saw a young guy naked lying on the floor of the bathroom and the girl in the towel is screaming, ‘he hit his head, he hit his head’. Next to the guy is a girl and she has him in the recovery position, some else is there but I ask the girl in the bathroom what’s going on. She says the young guy was brushing his teeth and collapsed.

At this point and to my shame I start thinking, Ok, this guy has taken some drugs. I could not have been further from the truth. So I go to the girl in the towel and I say ‘have you called an ambulance?’ She partially screamed ‘ I don’t know, I don’t know’. So I went outside to the crowd and asked them. I was told yes it had been called. I go back into the bathroom the girl is talking to the young guy’ saying ‘wake up Matt, Wake up Matt’. I said to her you need to get dressed so you can go in the ambulance. When she had dressed I asked her was there anyone else with her, she said she had two friends in the hotel, So I sent her and my son to get them.

I returned to the bathroom and when going in I saw two toothbrushes on the ground. It then registered, the white stuff around his mouth was toothpaste. He collapsed literally while brushing his teeth. At around this point his two friends arrived, one lad who name was Nick, told me that the guys name was Matt, he was 29 and due to get a new valve for his heart on the 16th of march. My own heart sunk at this point, there was confusion everywhere. His girlfriend was kneeling talking to Matt, saying ‘come on matt wake up, come on matt, wake up. His other friend was talking to a doctor on the phone and we were told not to do anything. One of the ladies from outside took the phone and shouted ‘ just send the ambulance now’

So I left went down stairs to talk to the porter to see what was the update on the arrival of the ambulance, because I had just checked Matt’s pulse, it was racing, but very weak. The porter said he did not know, so I dialed 999 myself. I explained to the girl on the line what was going on, she connected me to the ambulance service and I told the women that ‘ look this guy is not going to make it’, I gave her the information about Matt and she told me that a doctor was enroute.

I ran back upstairs, on the way another young girl said she knows CPR, so I said common in. They still have Matt in the recovery position, so I checked his pulse again, nothing. Jesus I said we need to help him Now! so his friend told the doctor on the phone what was currently happening. The doctor instructed us to breathe into his mouth, two breaths and pump his heart 30 times. To their credit the two girls started to work straight away. Two breathes, 30 pumps and again. The girl who was pumping his chest that had been with him since before I got there was really tired and emotionally exhausted, so I said look let me take over. This was now around 15 minutes after I got into the room for the first time. So we continued 2 breathes, 30 pumps and so on. How long we were there, I don’t know. Matts girlfriend and friends rotated talking to him, I talked to him saying things ‘ come on Matt wake up, your girlfriend is OK with you kissing other girls’.

We kept going and finally in what seemed to be forever a doctor arrived. He asked how long has he been like this, I told him 20 minutes approximately if not more. He asked to clear the room, I did it. His friends are crying and trying to be optimistic, ‘ he’ll be fine’. I hoped that they would be right but I did’t think so. While we were helping him he had no pulse. Then the ambulance crew arrive. I do doorman let the ambulance people do their job. The hotel manger a young, I would think polish girl arrives. She is lost I ask her to get everyone some drinks. It will keep people busy. I remember when my own sister died, she was 30 and died of cancer, that the main I felt was that of being useless, so keep people as busy as possible. Its amazing how stupid little things will distract you mind.

I ask Nick, his name and why were they over form the UK. He tells me that they were over for a wedding and explains Nick had been very careful with his lifestyle, because of his upcoming operation. He tells me how they planned to go skiing after Nick had recovered from the operation. I can see from his girlfriend and his friends that Matt is loved very deeply. One of the ambulance crew asks me if am I with Matt, I told her that I was just a guest in the hotel, explain to her who was with him and that they were out by the stairwell. At this stage I become aware for the first time that my 16 year old son has been there all the time. I ask him to go back to the room and he said he would stay. I was very proud of my young man that night and thought about Matt’s poor parents. I had said to his girlfriend not to ring them until she knew something, I was thinking Christ I hoped I made the right decision. There is nothing they can do now, Its 1.30 in the morning. Also she (I never got the poor girls name) is in no state to do anything.

The main door is partly open as it is jammed on the bathroom door to keep it open. What I am hearing from the people trying to save Matt is not good. They work on for 20 minutes, No response. Now there is a problem they can’t get a stretcher up to him, so its decided to wrap him in a sheet and we will carry him down the stairs. In this day and age we allow things to be built where you cannot get a stretcher, stupid is the only word. The ambulance lady asked me to get Matt’s girlfriend and friends into a room, so that they don’t see him been moved. The girl who was first on the scene, I ask her and her boyfriend to take them into their room. I must say that in my life I have met some amazingly strong people in my life, but the two young ladies I was in the bathroom with that night were amazing. I truly respect the courage, the care and the love they showed that night. Actually the girl that was in the room when I arrived was so caring I thought she was a friend of Matt’s, it was only later I learnt that she had just reacted as I had.

As soon as Matt’s girlfriend and friends went into the room, we carefully took Matt down stairs. He was put in the ambulance, I asked could his girlfriend go with them, they said better not. So I asked the manager to drop them to the hospital. Matt’s girlfriend came down first, so I told her that she would go with the manager and got them to the car. Then I took Nick aside and told him that the doctor had told me it was a one in million shot that Matt would survive, I think to be fair the doctor who was not from the emergency service, was called by one of the hotel guests, did not want to be the one to say that Matt had passed away. They all left.( It would not be until we met the manager when we were checking out, that our worst fears were concerned. The manager told us that the hospital people said that no one could have done anything to save Matt that night.)

I briefly spoke to some of the people, told the two girls that they were amazing and returned with my oldest to my wife and the rest of my kids. I told them that it did not look good and went to the bathroom and cried. I could not understand it, I am a rational man. I had never met Matt, never had a conversation or a pint with him, but it felt like one of my family had passed away.

I still don’t understand it, but I feel the loss and so does my son. I have to be honest I did not know wither to write this or not, but as a parent, God forbid if it was one of mine, I would want to know what happened and if my child parted this world were they surrounded by people who loved them. That is the reason I write this. Although most of the people like me, never met Matt, he was prayed for, worried about and taken care of in the most loving way I have ever witnessed. In this current world of ours where we hear that people just don’t care anymore that was not what I witnessed that night.

In that bathroom there was more love then I have ever seen. Each person in there wanted for Matt to pull through, talked to him, fought to keep in alive and was truly sad when he passed. To the point where most did not give up at all. We did everything to keep him alive and I am deeply sorry that we could not.
So how am I supposed to feel?, logic says I watched a stranger part this world. My sprit tells me that l lost a friend. A man who life was shorted lived but was loved by the people he knew and by some people he never met. What an amazing person he must have been.

To his Girlfriend, friends and family, you have the thoughts, love and care of all the people that were in the Travelodge in Galway that night.

Matt you may have passed on, but you will not be forgotten.

Rest in peace Matt

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