Divorced 2 Year Old Wakes Up Asking For Other Parent My Husband Says He’s Not in Love Anymore, But is Staying in the Marriage Only For Our Kids’ Sake

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My Husband Says He’s Not in Love Anymore, But is Staying in the Marriage Only For Our Kids’ Sake

Over the weekend, I got an email from a woman who told me that she and her husband had been fighting recently and he blurted out that he doesn’t even love her anymore, but that he’s staying married “for the kids.” She had no idea how to respond to this. Of course, she was devastated. But, she also wondered if she should stay in a “loveless marriage” or if it would be more harmful for the children to divorce than to stay in a household where one of the parents did not love the other.

It was difficult for her to separate her feelings about divorce and her feelings about her husband. Even though she was annoyed with him, she still loved him and she wanted to make the marriage work. If it was up to her, there would be no divorce. So, in the next article, I will tell you what I told her about how to look at this situation now, but also how to turn it around in the future.

Divorce Vs Parents Who Don’t Love Their Spouses From Your Child(ren)’s Point of View: First, I want to clear up how the kids fit into this. Certainly, it is harmful for a child to grow up in a household where there is no love at all. But, this woman’s situation was not one where both parents did not deeply love their children. Both adored their children – so much so that it was their children who kept them hanging there.

That said, divorce is devastating for children. Honestly, if you had asked me as a kid if I’d rather my parents get divorced so I never have to see them fight again, or if I’d rather them stay married but fight, I would have picked the fight at some point. intact family any day of the week.

Now, to be fair, my parents’ fights were not disenfranchised or physically and verbally abusive. There were a lot of great times, so when they broke up and eventually broke up all together, I used to fixate on why they couldn’t focus on the good times as a stepping stone to working things out. I realize that parents cannot live for their children, but I also feel that saying that children would rather have happy parents than parents in a loveless marriage is often not true – at least from the child’s point of view. In fact, what I believe what the child really wants is for you to work it out so you can all be happy again – together, as a family. And, there is often a lot of resentment after the divorce puts a lot of financial strain on the family and there are drastic lifestyle changes that often make the child feel guilty and caught in the middle.

I realize that there are people who will tell you that the divorce was better for them and their families, but, from personal experience, I am not one of them. I now have two step parents who are both lovely people and I now have little, younger sisters. I’m married now and I realize exactly how hard it is to keep a marriage going (in fact, I almost got divorced a few years ago), but the kid in me still can’t forget how painful it was for my parents to split up. , and every Christmas when I have to celebrate with two families, it just honestly feels wrong. I realize that’s selfish of me, but it’s really how I feel.

Your children don’t want you to stay together for their sake, but they do want you to find a way to become a happy, united family again: My mother’s friends used to say things like, “aren’t you glad your parents are happy again and you don’t have to hear the fighting anymore?” I guess I was glad there was no more fighting, but what I really wished for was no more fighting because they found a way to be happy again – together. I wanted them to be happy together – not apart.

No one will argue that it is not good for a child to grow up in a stressful, unhappy home. But before you divorce, ask yourself if it is possible to change your marriage (and not the status of it) so that your child can grow up in a happy home that includes both of his parents. Sometimes, this is not possible. I admit that. There are some marriages that just can’t be saved, but I’ve seen countless seemingly dead marriages turn around because both parties decided to do so and finally found the right tools to succeed.

Separating The Children From Your Marriage:This is going to sound a little strange when I say it, but often, while the children are the glue that holds the parents together, they are also often the thing that puts the most stress on the marriage. Stay with me as I explain. What I mean by that is that often children will turn two people who were deeply in love and focused on each other into two people who start to focus more on their children after they are born. You are now less lovers and more mom and dad.

I honestly believe that “falling out” or “not loving each other anymore” is more the result or neglect, not taking the time, and changing priorities, rather than changing feelings or the fact that the chemistry is no longer there. Often, the chemistry is very much still there – but you’ve buried it under a sea of ​​bonds. Often, if you push everything else to the back burner for a while and focus only on the marriage and giving your spouse the time, attention and appreciation that you did when you were dating, you’ll find that the two people who fell in love are still there somewhere

And, quite honestly, the best gift you can give your children is two parents who love each other, and them, very much. But sometimes, you have to spend regular time away from the kids to give them this. They would much rather you be a little selfish and have regular date nights than grow up in two separate homes.

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