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Does Crying Make the Pain Go Away?
The answer to that question is no, no, no. It doesn’t take the pain away, but it has its benefits when you’re grieving a loss.
There are many theories about crying, such as “tears cleanse the soul” or “crying lasts night, but joy comes in the morning”, or “don’t cry over spilled milk.” Many were told as a child that crying is a sign of weakness. So when you grieve a loss, do you cry or try not to cry?
A client going through a divorce recently sent me a thank you note for supporting her during a crying episode. Her note included the following statement, “Thank you for saying it’s okay to cry! Even though everything hurt afterward (my head, face, and eyes), those were cleansing tears and today I’m better than okay!”
When you have lost someone or something dear to your heart, when your dreams have turned into nightmares, when you have lost all hope for your tomorrow, crying is a normal and natural response. What makes the difference is how you react to this physical emotion. Do you try to rush it and get over it, or do you accept it as part of the healing experience?
I encourage having a sob party when you’re grieving a loss, but with limitations. Give yourself a set amount of time so you don’t overwhelm the body and cause emotional and physical health problems. Why not consider it an activity?
Often, outbursts of sadness are unexpected and they come out of nowhere for no apparent reason. In this case, you may not be able to plan the screaming party. Still embrace it. Holding on to emotions of loss can compound the loss and delay the grieving process. If you’re able to take your screaming party to a place where you’re alone, go for it. Maybe bring a memento or music, set a time limit for the party, and give yourself permission to scream it.
Know that because this is natural and normal, and no one can tell you how to grieve, your crying episodes may come and go throughout your life. Yes, even many decades after a loss or disappointment, you may have crying episodes. So, let’s conclude that crying won’t make the pain go away, but it will help you deal with the pain if you choose to see it that way.
The next time you remember a loved one who is no longer here with you or a situation that broke your heart and you feel the need to cry, let the tears flow; think of a beautiful memory; and, end your cryfest with a smile. I bet you will feel better.
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