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Rant – Move Over Dennis Miller – I’ve Got Some Things to Say About Health, Fitness and Nutrition
Time to get a few things off my chest about health, fitness and nutrition. You may not agree with all (or some!) of these, but hopefully, they’ll get you thinking!
Rant #1 – Why Does Everything Make Us Fat Or Cause Cancer?
It seems we can’t eat or drink anything these days without being told it will make us fat or cause cancer.
We try to eat canned tuna to eat less fat and we get mercury poisoning. We eat fruits and vegetables for the vitamins and fiber and the pesticides give us tumors. We eat chicken and we get mad fowl disease and now farm-raised salmon will give you swine flu. Wine is either good or bad for you, depending on whether you eat it with cheese or crackers!
What ever happened to the good old days when we got fat from eating too much pie and got sick from eating too much paint off the walls? Now I hear you can get cancer from worrying about cancer.
Rant #2 – Low Carb Beer
Do beer companies seriously believe they can make people believe they are selling diet beer? With all their talk about who has 1 gram less carbs in a tablespoon than the other, they seem to forget that it’s actually the ALCOHOL in their product that makes you fat!
Alcohol not only takes out your fat burning enzymes, it’s also preferentially stored as fat and seriously messes up your body’s production of muscle building hormones like testosterone.
I guess saying “low carb” sounds better than saying “watered down.” Then they’ll add caffeine and Gatorade to it and call it “high-performance beer.”
Rant #3 – “Food of the Week” Bandwagon Marketing
have you heard Froot Loops are now healthy because they contain added calcium! They contain added calcium because someone decided to add a big bag of chalk to the sugar goo they make it out of. You can now feed it to your sugar-crazed ADD kids with a clear conscience because it is now healthy for them because it has CALCIUM.
I await the day when a clever marketer will take a piece of plain blackboard chalk and sell it as a “Calcium Stir Stick” for your coffee.
I also love it when a product that has been around for 30 years suddenly proclaims that it is now “fat free” or “low carb” even though it always has been and everyone knows it. “Fat Free” or “Low-Carb” water is not the revolutionary product it is made out to be.
But what really takes the cake are vitamin companies who proudly jump on the nutritional bandwagon shouting “See! We’ve had it all along!” when their pills are so tightly compressed and unabsorbable, you can still read the brand mark on them when they come out the other end (I have it on good authority from a certain Port-o-Potty specialist I know)!
Rant #5 – Making Low-Carb Foods Out of Foods That Shouldn’t Be Low-Carb Foods
Orange juice just shouldn’t be low carb. I don’t care what they say. If I want low carb orange juice, I’ll add my own water instead of paying the juice company to add it for me and charge me extra for the privilege. That’s all I have to say about it.
Rant #6 – Trying to Pass Unhealthy Foods as Healthy
Pork Rinds Lite – now with 25% less fat, sodium, cholesterol, lead and cyanide.
Even if you take some token percentage of the bad stuff out of bad food, it will still be bad food. It’s like buying reduced fat pork – it’s still pork. It just has a nicer name now. Anyway, it’s so easy to reduce the fat in a portion by making the portion smaller, what’s the point? Who’s going to sit down and eat just 3 cheese doodles?
When I eat food that I know is bad, I know it’s bad, but sometimes I’ll just eat it anyway. I’m not an idiot. I will not persecute you for making unhealthy food. Nobody’s putting a gun to my head to eat it. I don’t believe for one second that slightly reducing the “perceived naughtyness” of a food somehow now makes it “healthy”. So please don’t try to sugar coat this delicious garbage unless it’s for flavor.
Rant #7 – The Amazing Diet Patch
The only way you will lose weight with the Diet Patch is if you put it in your mouth. – Nuf said.
Rant #8 – Expensive Urine and Other Supplemental Beating
There are doctors even to this day who believe that taking vitamins will only result in expensive urine. They believe you can get all the vitamins and minerals you need in a balanced diet. Unfortunately, the only balanced diet some people get is when they try to carry 3 dishes to the table in one hand.
Jumping straight to prescribing expensive drugs to mask symptoms to people who probably just desperately need basic nutrition is the epitome of expensive urine, in my opinion.
And then there’s creatine. You may remember the buzz a few years ago when some of the “don’t-confuse-us-with-the-facts” media jumped on a story about the deaths of some high school wrestlers. They were taking creatine to improve their performance, so obviously it had to kill them. It certainly wasn’t because they took long steam baths in rubber suits and exercised intensely without drinking adequate water in a desperate bid to make weight for wrestling. It must be the terrible supplement that did it because no one ever died of catastrophic dehydration or heatstroke, right?
Let me clarify – there is nothing dangerous about creatine. It is a natural substance already in quantity found in your body. It is found in every piece of meat you eat. The only way creatine could hurt you is if someone drops a bucket of it on your foot.
Supplements seem to only make the news when someone has something bad to say about them, regardless of whether it’s true or not.
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