Having A 2 Year Old Is Like Having A Blender 10 Delusions of Personal Growth

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10 Delusions of Personal Growth

1. That you can get something positive by overcoming something negative.

When we take action to improve our lives by overcoming some aspect of ourselves (for example, an “old, unwanted behavior pattern,” or a recurring issue of “self-sabotage”), who exactly wins?

One of the most enduring and unfortunate illusions coming out of the personal growth movement (especially the “monster power growth” version of it) is the idea that we all contain a “strong self” that can be trained to force subjugation. of ours. “weak self.” It is quite understandable that almost all of us develop this impression. People have been trying to make meaning out of their inner conflicts, their affinity with the dark or dark side of things, with their miseries related to virtue and guilt, for tens of thousands of years before the invention of the personal growth weekend. seminar, as far as we know.

The easiest way to allow personal change and growth is to include – not exclude or overcome – whatever is not working in our lives. We can recognize that unwanted behavior patterns are simply old solutions that have inadvertently outlived their usefulness. Indeed, when we move beyond this—when we seek to actively respect whatever seems to cause us the most pain and frustration—the experience of including and changing even long-standing patterns becomes safe, fun, and rewarding. Our old patterns are much more available for easy, comfortable change when we’re not fighting them. In fact, when they are properly respected, we find that old, unwanted behaviors usually seek to change themselves. Like they want to get to the rest of us, and that makes for a wonderful, and unbeatable, reunion.

2. That people who take the “path of least resistance” in life are weak.

Everything in the Universe is coordinated to move and change along paths of least resistance. All-electrons, inter-galactic clouds of hydrogen gas, white mice, and melting ice. There are no exceptions. So, it is curious and strange that, for people, the words “take the path of least resistance” are usually thrown around as an insult. Now we are all gradually getting better at it. One is rarely further congratulated on the pointlessness and intensity of one’s struggle. However, who do we think we are?

3. That fighting ourselves shows strength and builds character.

Some of the saddest words are: “At least I respect myself enough to despise myself.” Proper self-respect is always the most polite way to be in life and the universe. It invites the best for and from others. Too little self-respect causes other people to want to withdraw their care and support. They can’t help but feel this on some level. It’s an ancient instinct in our hunter-gatherer DNA, not-quite-knowledge designed to protect the well-being of the entire troop. The instinct can be removed, and it often is, but doing so requires some energy and work. Proper self-respect is never expensive or inconvenient for anyone. And, it is almost never fatal.

4. That denying and disrespecting our parents is a good idea.

Almost all of Western psychotherapy seeks, in one way or another, to separate clients from their parents. This movement is exactly in the wrong direction. If we want to know what would come out of the mixture if we put our parents in a giant blender and then hit the frappè button, the answer is – we would exist. We are exactly, exactly that combination.

Our broadband connection to the flow of life – the cable connections themselves, so to speak – happens to be them. Not personally, necessarily, but definitely energetically, the sockets are where they’re at. We can deny this, but then we have to live on dial-up. When we deny parents, we deny ourselves and cut ourselves off from the sources of strength in life. This never has a good effect. If our parents are dangerous, crazy, or deadly boring, it’s probably a good idea to stay away from them physically, but this is not the same as disrespecting them.

5. That you as an intelligent adult will never, ever screw up your life to prevent something really bad from happening to someone else 100 years ago (just to quote a round number).

As it turns out, this seems to be exactly what all of us humans value doing more than anything else. We are all driven to make sure we experience some version of the tragedies and unresolved losses of the family members who came before us. While we experience their pain, or something close to it, we have hope to provide our families with a better past, which, it follows very much. [il]logically, will allow us to experience a better present and future for ourselves. This is a complicated business, and very seductive. When our pain now signals to us that we are on our way to past and future happiness, we go into a deep, deep trance of safe and loving family salvation. As crazy as this sounds, this is what we do, and are pretty much screwed until we realize it. Messing up our own life is never a good way to show respect to anyone.

6. That the past is a failed version of a better future.

The future is not a perfected or improved past. Our experiences as humans, whatever this involves at the moment, always represent the best life solutions our systems have been able to achieve. We all deal with completely mysterious and painful inherited patterns, which we then combine with the bewilderingly elusive meanings and beliefs we invent for ourselves. As huge as the resulting mess may seem to be, it’s really the most creative, positive, and loving solution we could find for ourselves (and everyone else who was involved) at the time when the unwanted pattern became hyperstabilized and difficult. to change Really, we all do the best we can with what we have and with what we had.

7. That is now the only time that exists.

Being present in the present is wonderful and beneficial. It is an indispensable art, an essential part of changing our relationship with ourselves and with life itself. However, for people who live in time/space, the future and past are also real. A properly created, good future activates our choice of it, so that it manifests itself against a supportive background called the past. There is no substitute for having a good relationship with our future and our past. After all now, we are now the past of our future, right?

8. That your brain is supposed to care about how you feel.

The main function of our brain is to filter everything that does not match its own ideas from what matches its ideas. Therefore, it is always very busy not to notice things. However, the good result of this is that it provides us with a stable, more or less predictable world in which to live.

To make the experience of being human even more fun, the older, most reliable parts of our brains—our creature brains that don’t even know they’re part of humans—have only one important success indicator, one way to tell. if they do a good job. This part of the brain does not think, analyze, create, synthesize or speak. It is simply there to establish and maintain associations between this and that. It doesn’t matter what this and that are, as long as the associations are intact. Thus, it is not concerned with the content of our human experience; only cares that that content (the associations between this and that) does not change. Therefore, its most important success indicator is the answer to the question, “Are we dead yet?” If the answer is no, it knows to continue with whatever it was doing. If that happens to involve our being miserable in life, on the human level, that is not its problem, nor even its concern.

Our brain doesn’t have to care how we feel. We have to care how we feel.

9. That positive change will inevitably lead to more positive change.

Most truly amazing, positive change can eventually lead to feeling bad again. There are some nice ways to work with this unfortunate aspect of being human, so it’s not actually always a really good change that leads to feeling bad. However, for most of us, learning to allow amazing change to remain positive takes some practice. This is what we call “the ecology of personal growth”. It’s quite an art form, and an extremely valuable thing to learn.

10. That our private thoughts and feelings do not affect the experience of other people.

Everything we think and feel affects all space, all time. We really have such a huge impact. Having power like that is never a bad thing. Learning to recognize and use this power is a respectfully creative journey of many lifetimes. Overall, this is pretty good news.

© 2008 Carl Buchheit and NLP Marin

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