How Much Sleep Does A 2 Month Old Baby Need The Sex Factor – Romance With Your Spouse After Children

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The Sex Factor – Romance With Your Spouse After Children

You know you’re a mom when…you promise your husband that tonight is the night, but you happily sneak into bed relieved that he fell asleep on the couch.

Not to talk or anything, but my friend’s recent visit resulted in a conversation about post-baby sex. Her sex drive slowly returned as her hormones balanced out after the pregnancy. Her four-month-old baby is now sleeping contentedly in his own room, giving mom and dad their privacy back. She’s doing better than me, she’s enjoying the sex, but she said nonchalantly, “We did it last night, so I’m out for a few days.” We both laughed at the same time, kindred spirits at the fact that sex wasn’t high on our list right now.

Like many of my posts, this week’s “You know you’re a mom when…” idea ran past my husband casually. Feeling quite funny and on point with my comment, I repeated it half laughing as I sneered at my personal accuracy. There was a kind of dead silence in the room. “It’s not that funny,” he replied, neither impressed nor amused by my remark. “Come on,” I replied, reaffirming something I know so many women can relate to and find hilarious. He was neither convinced nor interested and gave me that look as he walked away.

In their own humor-inducing and cliché-inducing ways, men have grumbled about post-marital sex since the dawn of time. Still, it made me think less about my own indifference to it and more about his need and desire as a man and a sexual creature. Most people know and agree that men need sex as a physiological part of their coding and makeup. A woman’s personal feelings and opinions often override what men need and allow them to forget or overlook this so-called necessity in their daily lives (I’m in that group).

So when we’re juggling all the things we’re doing, we don’t really feel like it, and we really need/want/want to sleep, how do we create a spark of interest to rekindle the fire?

In my research for ways to improve sex with my husband, I came across eHow.com. They suggest things like talking about your fantasies to get stimulated, be spontaneous and have sex somewhere risky, or maybe make a home video or photo album just for his eyes. Great ideas, but who has time for that? (I clicked off that site because it was obviously written by someone without kids). To their credit, however, they suggested: 1) Talk about it! Yes, with him or her, not with your friends, not with anyone else. It’s absolutely amazing how many lovers just don’t communicate openly and honestly with each other about what’s pleasurable about sex.

Expert Michael Webb, author of 500 Lovemaking Tips, offers 10 ways to rekindle the magic in your relationship:

1. SEND THEM A UNIQUE GIFT

2. BECOME KIDS AGAIN

3. HAVE FUN WITH WATER

4. TWIST MASSAGE

5. BRING BACK YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

6. WATCH THE CLOUDS

7. WALK ON THE BEACH

8. Organize a PICNIC ON A WARM SUMMER NIGHT

9. SHOW YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PARTNER

10. ROOT YOUR LOVE

I’m not sure if he has kids either (who’s watching them while I’m staring at the clouds?), but at least he’s getting close and his suggestions are appropriate.

Then I found this site, http://CharmYourWife.Com. Robert Steele writes that if men want more sex with their women, they need to start educating themselves on the dos and don’ts of a woman’s emotional state. “When your woman has a comfortable sense of well-being and knows that you truly love her for who she is, and that out of all the billions of women in the world, you only want her, then you’re likely to have as much sex as you possibly can. Handle”! He also goes on to say, “To love your woman is to make her feel special – like she’s the most special women in the world to you. To you, loving your wife means that you are still “courting” her – as if you are still “chasing” her to win her heart.”

My favorite quote from him is “when a husband knows how to please his wife emotionally and love her, he will naturally want to please her. That’s how women are “wired”.

I found it interesting that while I know my husband requires sex and we can do “things” to make it better, creating a mental and emotional connection is really the key to that locked door. It also made me realize that I have the power to make that connection myself. When my husband comes home and I immediately tell him how my son put a hole in the wall, the property tax came in and I didn’t have time to dye my hair, he just wants to withdraw and break up. So it’s up to me to have lighter conversations and complain less. More about what was good on the day, what went well and the events that made me happy and brought joy to the children. Then he would want to return the gesture, feeling open to listening and free to share in return. All the things I really want and the beginning of creating the closeness we both ultimately desire.

I’ll let you know how well it works. In the meantime, you might want to send this post to your husband and see if he’s interested in any of the suggestions.

I’m standing on my soapbox

JB

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