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Signs of Stress & Anxiety in Children

Stress is a phenomenon that is different or somewhat the same for every child/or adult. We are somewhat conditioned to believe that stress is bad and that there is a solution in a product – Calgon bath salts or a pill. Of course, we need to address the issues that cause us worry or fear before or after the experience. However, it is better to talk about the experience before or after to understand the needs of the child or adult.

More importantly, I strongly recommend avoiding the assumption that all stress is bad or that stress will continue. Yes, something can be a challenge, but stress is not inherent.

Careful parents can unknowingly instill their own fear into a child’s psyche. It is also important to avoid projecting your own fear onto the child’s experience. Avoid using the words stress or anxiety. Ask your child how they feel without putting a label on them. And help the child solve problems before and after the new experience.

Children may not show stress in the same way as adults. In addition to fear and anxiety, they may for example show anger or irritability.

It is understandable that parents would be concerned about their child’s experiences, but it is important to know that some childhood stress is common and can be quickly resolved with patience, compassion and communication. Some children take longer to process feelings. If a child seems to be struggling for more than a few months, you may need to contact a doctor who specializes in holistic mental health protocols.

Let’s talk about common childhood worries

There are a number of things that commonly cause worry and discomfort for children of all ages. New situations, challenging tasks and even unfamiliar people can sometimes lead to anxiety and discomfort in children.

Other age-appropriate concerns include:

• ~Fear of strangers begins at the age of 7 to 9 months and subsides around the age of three.

• ~Fear of the dark, monsters, insects and animals in preschoolers

• ~Fear of heights or thunderstorms in children of younger school age

• ~Care about school and friends in older school-age children and teenagers

These common childhood fears usually disappear on their own as the child gets older.

Signs and symptoms of discomfort in children

Although it is normal to have occasional discomfort, children with symptoms of discomfort may behave with:

• ~Anger or aggression such as yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing a tantrum

• ~Avoidance of certain situations

• ~ Bedwetting

• ~ Changes in appetite

• ~Fatigue

• ~Having trouble at school

• ~Headaches

• ~ Irritability

• ~ Muscle tension

• ~Nervous habits like nail biting, hair pulling

• ~Nightmares

• ~Refusal to go to school

• ~Restlessness

• ~Non-cooperation

• ~Social download

• ~ Stomach pain

• ~Difficulty concentrating

• ~Difficulty sleeping

The frequency and appearance of stress can vary depending on the nature of the situation. Some fears may be triggered by specific situations, objects, or settings.

Other indicators of concern include symptoms that interfere with a child’s ability to learn, communicate with peers, sleep at night, or function normally in daily life. Like:

• Illness or death of a family member or friend

• Birth of a sibling

• Divorce

• Community factors

• Being in a car accident, house fire, or other physical accident

Common childhood fears that persist past the age when they are expected to be afraid (such as being afraid of the dark or being away from their parents after preschool) are also a problem.

And I’ll end with a little story. When my son was 16 and a freshman in high school, he asked:

“Mom, why do kids go crazy when there’s a test?

I do not know. Everyone is different. What do you think about the tests?

Son: I like tests.

Me: What do you like about them?

Son: Because then I know what I know and what I don’t know. Then I can learn what I can’t do.

Me: How did you decide to do that?

Son: Mom!! (disbelieving tone of voice) You said there was nothing to fear and everything had a solution.

The proof is in the pudding. Preparing children without a disturbing tone of voice or thought is powerful and empowering.

Every moment is a teaching moment, use it well.

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