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How to Survive a Dominant Wife Using These 3 Proven Ways
There’s an old joke about a married couple going on their honeymoon to Hawaii. In their room, the husband takes off his pants and says, “Into those pants.” The woman looks at her husband and says “honey, they are too big.” “Right,” says the man, “now you know who wears the pants in this family.” The wife then takes off her pants and says to her husband, “Into those pants.” The husband replies “honey, these are too small, I can’t get into your pants.” The wife then says, “That’s true, and if you keep that attitude, you’ll never do it.” Does this sound like your situation? Maybe yours is a really domineering wife who constantly disrespects you, maybe even in front of your friends. Will he hit you or punch you in the face? Did she do it in front of your friends? Our wives agreed to become one with us, to support and build us up in sickness and in health, right? How does it make a family when a woman morally destroys her man? If you feel you may be struggling in this area of your marriage, read on.
You may have heard it before: “A woman needs love as much as a man needs respect.” This is actually a true statement. For men, it is more important to be respected than to be loved. But now in our society, in the face of equal rights, many men have forgotten what it means to be a man, and many women have forgotten how to treat their men. Your wife could be seeking your attention and has found a negative channel to get that attention; she might be jealous of your success and regret that she has to stay home with the kids while you get to “get away” for 8 hours; maybe her self-esteem is so low that she will tear you down to build herself up; or another very common reason is that he starts caring only about himself.
There are several studies that prove that the level of fulfillment or success a man can achieve both financially and in the family is directly related to his wife’s support; and respect is at the heart of the problem. Humans are built with requirements for emotional support systems. We’ve all heard of Hitler’s horrible experiments where they ignored certain babies…just did basic feedings and diaper changes but showed no love, no kisses or hugs, not even spoken to. All of these babies were dead within 6 months for no real reason other than the lack of love in their lives. Men need this support channel too, otherwise they can quickly lose focus on the task at hand or mis-prioritize. A man with the support of a woman can achieve ten times more than he could ever do alone. However, a man with a morally destructive wife will achieve ten times less than if he were alone. If you are one of those who have a dominant wife, think about your work performance, when was the last time you got a successful idea or when you came up with a promotion? Are you close to your children? Do your children even love you? what with her? These are all symptoms of a festering family destroyer.
Now let me set this straight, there are men who take this issue too far and demand this respect in an inappropriate way. If your girl is like the one in that joke, you are in a decent relationship and this article is really not for you. However, there are women who cross the line and actually dominate the family to the point that the house and family become a nightmare for everyone involved. So how to fix it? The first very difficult step is to get her to stop doing the things that disrespect you the most; like getting punched in the face. You will have to prepare for this. Get a gym membership now. If your wife has the finances on lock down, borrow a co-worker card. You’ll need to limit yourself to about 20 minutes of running and pumping iron, plus another 10 minutes to shower and change back into your work clothes. Use the money he gives you for snacks at work for your public washer and dryer. This will start to rebuild your confidence; although, if you can figure out a way to keep $50 a month, you can join a karate gym and build your confidence even faster. You’re going to need a lot of the self-esteem she so effectively destroyed years ago to tell her to stop doing those things. You might also need physical strength to stop her from hitting you, or worst case scenario, you’ll actually need the karate you’ve learned to defend yourself against her. The first step now is to get her to stop and realize that you will no longer tolerate certain behaviors that bother you. You need to learn to find ways to let her know when some of the things she does make you feel disrespected, and you need to make sure she notices. One of my favorite ways is in this joke. The wife was preparing a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “BEWARE! Put some more butter! You’re cooking too much at once. TOO MUCH! Turn them! Turn them NOW! We need more butter. WHERE WILL WE GET MORE BUTTER? They’ll be BLACK! Careful. BEWARE! I said BEWARE ! NEVER listen to me when you cook! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them . Use salt. USE SALT! SALT!” His wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry some eggs?” The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like to drive.”
Although going that far would probably lead to a fight, this wife could clearly see that her husband was very upset by her disrespectful behavior in the car. You have to become one. Not a donkey, but a person who has a backbone and can disagree with his wife on things and, above all, make the final decision in that situation. I would suggest you spend three to six months in the gym (depending on how much confidence you need) before telling her to stop her disrespectful behavior.
The second step is to take responsibility and start making decisions that positively affect the family. You learn about things you don’t want to learn, like finding the best quality car for your budget and buy it regardless of what it says. In a healthy relationship, you normally want both people to agree on a car, so tell her several times that you think this car will be the best for the family. Now make sure you buy that car (it can choose the colors if you have that option.) Research shows that while women will push their boundaries with their men, a man must have boundaries that cannot be crossed, where a man will stand steadfastly say this is what our family does. If a man doesn’t have this line, a woman can never really respect him, even if she really wants to. A man must be responsible, but this man must also realize that being responsible does not mean delegating all the work to your wife and doing nothing yourself, or at the other extreme, doing all the work yourself and not involving her in anything. It’s best if you involve your wife in the family finances, help you prioritize the budget, but I repeat, you have to make the final decisions in all of these areas, no matter how much whining or fussing she puts up with. No, he can’t go out with his girlfriends if you have $50 left over for gas and food for the week. As nice as the shirt looks on her, she has to factor it into the budget before she buys it. There are many other examples that I’m sure you already have in mind.
The third is to find the right social group. Yes, that means your friends have to change. If it is acceptable in your social group for your wife to slap you, or there is no one who has the balls to stand up to your wife and tell her that her behavior is wrong, then your “friends” do not deserve that title, familiarity is more appropriate . This doesn’t mean your friends do all the work for you, no, you still MUST follow steps 1 and 2 above. However, when you are with your friends, he has to speak up when your wife slaps or is otherwise disrespectful. Your wife must be ashamed of her behavior in social settings. If you have the confidence and backbone to deal with a fight later, it’s a very good thing to be social with the other women in your social group. Not social to the point of being offensive, but enough to trigger your wife’s jealousy button. This automatically creates an atmosphere where your wife is worried about losing you and thus becomes more protective and caring about you. In this case, the important thing to remember is that when an argument does occur (and it very likely will, especially after the third or fourth time she notices this new behavior from you), you never, ever, ever tell her why they are so social with other women. Doing so will backfire and send the whole process back to the beginning or worse.
This is a process that can take months, even years to complete, but now you have the steps necessary to turn your terrible situation into one that can bring true fulfillment, true love, and true success. Your home can now be a place you long to go instead of a place you dread. Today is the right day. Don’t delay any longer. Go find that co-worker who has a gym membership right now. Remember, we were created to enjoy and love our lives, not to hate them or barely get by.
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