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Rebuilding Your Life After The Loss Of A Child

No parent dreams of burying their child

It is the last thing any parent wants to experience – losing a child; death is only for the old. “Does time heal all wounds?” These words seem so trite, and research has actually revealed that there is no set time frame for a parent to stop grieving the loss of a child, and mothers generally never stop grieving after that loss. How long does it take to rebuild your life? This question remains unanswered; it will happen at the right time. It could be months, it could be years, it could be never; when time takes on new meaning during the traumatic hours, days, weeks, months and years following such a loss.

Time costs

While the rest of the world goes on, time often stands still for grieving parents – their world has changed forever and it seems as if everything is over. In a way, it has the way some parents experience the division of time – a period of light and joy before the death of a child and a period of darkness and sadness after. This sense of “times have changed” is partly due to much of the future of parents; their hopes and dreams also died with this child. Death anniversaries and birthdays are remembered, traditions and holidays seem empty without them. However, they are not only affected by the future of their parents, but also by the feeling of an unlived future where there were so many possibilities.

There is a new “normal”

While a parent mourns the passing of a child; that even the child’s landmarks and rituals pass; birthdays, Christmas, Easter egg hunts, puberty, Halloween, Thanksgiving, graduations, weddings, having your own children. Parents are actually forced to start a new ritual for themselves. It’s about being talked into a whole new life; a new normal, with completely different perspectives – using grief and reflection as a guide.

No one can tell you how to grieve

No other person, not even the husband and father of the child, can tell anyone what is best. They have no place to tell a grieving mother how to grieve. So-called well-intentioned suggestions are also often the most inappropriate. If the sentence starts with “we have your best interest at heart”…we repeat…the only way to grieve is your way!

Connect with your child

There are ways to connect with your child to help them rebuild their lives, stay in touch with their friends – help you remember the good times, celebrate their birthday, make a specific time of the day to remember, embrace your child’s dreams, keep a journal things to remember; so they are not forgotten. One good example was a woman who bonded with her child when she found dimes on the ground. She had never found so many dimes in her life – needless to say, not a dime would ever pass on the ground.

Plan your future and rebuild your life

Rebuilding a life with meaning can only be done by planning for a new future – this in turn can only be done when the grieving parent is prepared; 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, who knows?! May this future bring new joy, new hope and new meaning; remember how much you loved and wanted everything that was best for your child; they also love and want the same for you; so go ahead and live to honor them.

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