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In The Life Of The Other Woman
The life of “The Other Woman”…
I’m sure there are many people who blame TOW when their spouse cheats or their marriage breaks up. And sometimes it is. But not always.
I didn’t have much choice in the matter and didn’t realize I had become a TOW until it had already happened. I wasn’t chasing after a married man, nor was I planning to fall in love with him. By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late. He did, however, plan to have an affair, which he told his wife in June 2012. Her response was, “I’m not surprised.” She continued to visit her mother 3 days a week. Nothing has really changed since his confession.
In December 2011 we met by chance at work and his visits to my place became more frequent but still legitimate. Things that should have taken 20 minutes ended up taking 2 hours. We found that we had so much to talk about because not only did we have a lot in common, but we were also interested in other aspects of each other’s lives where there was no current mutual recognition.
He very rarely mentioned his wife, but talked a lot about his daughter. I didn’t really think much of it at first. I just enjoyed his company. Listening to his somewhat embellished stories. He has led a fascinating life (as he is 16 years older than me). No one would have ever guessed that a 28-year-old woman and a 44-year-old man would have such a connection.
Now I say I was TOW, but in reality, in the 14 months that the “relationship” was going on, there were only a few transgressions, but we NEVER had sex, because we both agreed that we wanted to wait until it was right. He became my best friend very quickly. We vented to each other, advised, joked. We write messages several times a day. That was the basis. To use his words, we were quite open with each other, there was nothing we didn’t say to each other.
I quickly and irrevocably fell in love with him. Once I realized this, I tried to end it on many occasions, whatever it was. But now I admit that I was addicted to him. The way it made me feel, the way it made me strive to be a better person and achieve more than I thought possible. He was, and I’m sure still is, a wonderful person.
One thing you should probably know is this; his wife was away 3 days a week and stayed with her moms 7 out of 14 months. They had not been intimate since she was 3 months pregnant. Their daughter was 8 months old when I met him. Even in the 14th month of “our” relationship, they had yet to be physically intimate. So he didn’t have sex with his wife OR me.
But in February 2013, things came to a head. My friend texted him that he deserved what was coming to him. She meant it as karma, he took it as a threat. He told his wife everything. They ended up making a counseling appointment (which was apparently booked for 6 months before) and she forgave him for falling in love with someone else. Her only condition? He was never to have contact with me again. No goodbyes, nothing.
Now she is finally fighting for her man, but in all honesty, if she had done that when she was first alerted to the fact that her husband was not feeling fulfilled in their marriage, I highly doubt any of us would be feeling the pain we are now.
They’re playing happy families again and I’m clinically depressed out of a job because I’ve lost the only man I’ve ever truly loved. I’m sure I deserve nothing less, but remember it wasn’t about sex, I lost my best friend.
I am really happy for him because he always hoped that his marriage would work and I always tried to advise him on how he could help things at home, I even gave him advice many times. When he talked about his wife, I tried to be devil’s advocate and see things from her point of view and even tried to reason with him about why she did some of the things she did.
I just wish I hadn’t been caught in the crossfire and had to be the catalyst for his wife to open her eyes and see what an amazing man she has. It’s not a pleasant place. There is a lot of support for the injured husband and the adulterer, but nothing for TOW, who never intended to hurt anyone and tried so hard to avoid everything that happened.
I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who will label me a “Home Wrecker” and of course that’s their right, but I can assure you that if I could go back in time I would have chosen a different path. where nothing happened to anyone. But if none of this happened, would they still be living separate lives then?
I hope it can shed some light on TOW.
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