Mother Kidnapped 2 Yr Old Now Child Reunited With Father My Whole Personality Changed After My Affair – How Can I Make Sure This Doesn’t Ruin My Marriage?

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My Whole Personality Changed After My Affair – How Can I Make Sure This Doesn’t Ruin My Marriage?

Sometimes I hear from people who really want to save their marriage after making the mistake of cheating or having an affair, but they are not sure if this is going to be possible because of a change that has occurred within them.

I heard a woman say, “I know infidelity is wrong. And if you had told me two years ago that I would have an affair, I would have called you a liar. I reconnected with an old boyfriend at a high school reunion. When I was with the other man, I also reconnected with many friends from high school. I started going out to relax and have fun, something I hadn’t done in years. I am primarily a wife and mother and I have to admit that I live for my family. I consider my most important job to be making sure my children grow up to be good and productive people. So I give everything I have to everyone. one more and there’s very little left for me. I guess that’s why the thing and the other man attracted me so much. When I was with him, I felt free. I felt like a different person. And I really liked who. I became when I was with him. Of course, my husband found out about it and told me if I didn’t stop it immediately. Ultimately, he would fight me for custody of my children. I didn’t need him to if he threatened me, I would break it on my own. I never wanted to break up my family, especially for the sake of my children. My husband and I put a lot of effort into making it work. I don’t know if I would have handled it as well as he did if the roles had been reversed. He’s angry, but to his credit, he puts that aside to try to work things out. The problem is that the matter has somehow changed me. I feel restless. I feel like now I have to go back to being the same boring person. I feel like I have to put other people’s lives before my own and that I will never be that lucky person that I have come to truly love. Can my marriage do this if the matter has changed for me?”

This is a very common concern. I often hear people say that the affair showed them what was missing in their life. They will often say that the affair made them feel more “alive” and that they don’t want to give up this thrill even though many want to save their marriage.

As a spouse on the other side of the issue, I haven’t experienced this firsthand, but I understand. And I don’t think you have to give up the new aspects of your personality just to save your marriage. In fact, if you try, your marriage may fail because you’ll feel like you’re giving up something for your spouse, and you shouldn’t feel that way. Instead, you need to look at it as if you are winning something.

Your spouse may be receptive to changing your life so that you both have more content: Whether you realize it or not, chances are your spouse wants you both to be happy. Your spouse is likely to realize that if you’re not happy or if you’re feeling restless, you’re more likely to cheat again, and no one wants that.

The real secret to all of this is getting your spouse involved in your new thrill-seeking. Nothing says you can’t involve your spouse in this new aspect of your life. Perhaps your spouse also feels a lack of excitement in their own life. He can welcome any suggestions you may have.

How to make the change request without any hurt feelings: Many spouses tell me that they are afraid of hurting their spouse’s feelings or of seeming dissatisfied or judgmental if they voice their concerns. I can tell you that I would rather have my husband be honest with me than continue to be unhappy and risk repeated cheating.

I think there is a way to approach this without sounding judgmental. A suggested script might be something like, “I’m happy that we seem to be making progress in our marriage. I’m committed to making sure that our marriage is as strong as possible and that we’re both happy and secure. How would you like to schedule a time away from the kids? I think it’s important that we have fun together alone. I’d like to hang out with friends sometimes or relax other times without our lives revolving around being parents. You know I love our kids more than anything and to be father is my top priority. But I want our marriage and being a whole individual to be a priority as well. We need to recharge our batteries. And we need to have fun alone. I want to live. with a sense of excitement and anticipation. How do you feel about this? And can you share with me what would make you happiest?”

In this way, you are inviting your spouse to negotiate. Offer to do whatever it takes to make them happy and expect them to reciprocate. Note that nothing in this script sounded accusatory and I never focused on the fact that the woman had changed. I simply emphasized the fact that she wanted fun in her life and wanted that fun to be with her husband. In this way, it is a win-win situation for both parties.

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