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Babes & Babies – How They Influence and Impact Black Men
In the movie I think I love my wife , comedian and actor Chris Rock plays a sexually deprived husband and doting father who falls for an old college friend he runs into (played by Kerry Washington). They start dating and his rekindled friendship with her awakens romantic desires that create an interruption in both his marriage and his work.
When he becomes giddy with lust and begins to lose control of his responsibilities at the prestigious investment firm he works for, his boss has a heart-to-heart with him and gives him some profound advice: “You can lose a lot of money. chasing women.. . but you can’t lose women chasing money.”
If only young black men would keep this advice in mind as they grow up. Such an approach would avoid the underdevelopment of potential and values that cause them to deviate and seek validation in other ways.
Culturally, black boys (especially those who are modest or above average in appearance) hear how many girlfriends they’re expected to have, how many hearts they’re going to break, or what “killers” they’re going to be before they learn how to do it. tie your own shoes.
With the seeds of distraction planted so early in their fertile minds and predictions of being a future “heartbreaker,” black boys formulate subconscious achievement motives that involve validation, edification, and prioritization of babies.
Validation confirms that they really attract the opposite sex. The build is what allows them to rise above the male competitors in their age bracket; further allowing the ego boost and feelings of self-worth. Prioritization is the rank of importance they give to the expenditure of time used in the search and conquest of women.
Combined, they form the roots of many of the problems that plague black families. I call it the babies and babies syndrome: black men who are driven by the pursuit of babies and avoid the responsibility of taking care of their babies in the process.
For many of these young people who become young people with this syndrome, it is difficult to change their mindset. After all, being constantly asked how many girlfriends you have while growing up creates an unconscious expectation. Coupled with the fact that many of your peers are participating and therefore endorsing the same behavior, our black teenagers are more likely to get their player cards before they get their library cards.
Despite being told by friends and family to “settle down” when they’re older (now grown men), it takes time (and usually some drama) before they develop a sense of awareness about their lecherous ways. It’s not that they can’t help it, they often just don’t know how, especially after spending most of their lives as virile men whose self-esteem and self-worth are tied to the validation they get from sexually conquering women. .
Breaking habits and changing our way of thinking is a tremendous challenge for all of us, but for the gamers of the world, it is exceptionally difficult. It doesn’t happen simply because they feel like “it’s time” or because they feel like they’re “getting older,” it happens when conquering babies no longer has the appeal, power, validation, or meaning it once did. . Then, and only then, can there be a real change in values.
Some make the successful transition from boys to men. They are those who either never bought into the “player’s mentality” because they were guided or focused on from a young age by their parents, they had countervailing values or they played on the playing field and their conscience made them change their ways; thus avoiding baby and baby syndrome.
Those who cling to the predatory mindset of using women to build, feed, or sustain their egos into adulthood make up the bulk of the perpetrators contributing to the demise of the socioeconomic plight of black families today.
It is a very serious problem.
How serious? SAVE AMERICA Ministries published A Portrait of the Black Family 2007: Descent into Destruction! in which the following statistics were documented:
-70% of all black children are born out of wedlock.
-62% of black families with children are headed by a single parent.
-85% of black children do not live in a home with their parents.
-Only 15-20% of black children born today will grow up with two parents until the age of 16.
-70% of African American boys in the criminal justice system come from single parent homes.
-50% of all new AIDS cases are in the black community, which comprises only 12% of the population.
-85% of all AIDS cases in Atlanta are black women.
-African Americans are 20 times more likely than whites to get gonorrhea.
-AIDS is now the number 1 killer of black women, ages 25 to 44.
-67% of black women with AIDS contracted HIV through heterosexual sex.
– Black men in America have polygamous relationships, 3 1/2 times more than whites or Hispanics.
-Nearly 2 million black men are currently in, or have been in, state or federal prison.
-At the age of 30, only 52% of black women will marry compared to 81% of white women, 77% of Hispanic and Asian women.
James Flynn, whose claim to fame is his much-discussed “Flynn Effect” documenting a 15 percent increase in black IQ, published the following information related to the demise of black marriages in New Scientist.
Government statistics show that at birth there are 104 black boys for every 100 girls. Six more men than women die between the ages of 25 and 45, which leaves 98 men for every 100 women. Of these 98 men, nine are in prison, eight are missing and 21 are employed less than half-time.
That leaves 60 “promising” black men, men who are alive, employed, and not convicted. Also consider that up-and-coming black men living with a non-black partner outnumber white men with a black partner by a factor of three. That leaves only 57 black men for every 100 women in a position to be a permanent partner. Out of every 100 black women, 43 are faced with the choice of having a child with a black man who is unlikely to settle down with them or being childless, assuming they (a) want to get married and (b) want to have children.
That is compelling information. Is it accurate? The remnants that can be seen in the fragmented black families that are headed by single mothers say yes. Furthermore, just witnessing the number of unruly black men who continue to celebrate their masculinity through procreation rather than the active and full participation of fathers in their children’s lives, is further proof.
When Black men can find meaning and significance in their lives internally, they rely less on external circumstances to boost the ego or to fill a void. They can find pride, peace and salvation in the sanctity of marriage and the joy of parenthood if they decide to value it.
Which brings me back to the movie I think I love my wife.
Once Chris Rock’s character reveals his lust to his long-lost friend, they agree to have a “goodbye”. He arrives at her place and continues to ponder his decision to continue with her. She answers the door wearing very revealing lingerie and effectively confirms his decision to continue with her. He looks in the mirror with the tie on his head and remembers his young daughter (who is in an earlier scene with whom he plays affectionately). It is a moment of reckoning for him. Get back on and off you go without becoming another victim of baby and toddler syndrome.
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