My 2 Year Old Has A Wart On His Finger DE-FUNKING YOUR LIFE – How Can I Feel Happy, Energetic and Inspired by Life Again?

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DE-FUNKING YOUR LIFE – How Can I Feel Happy, Energetic and Inspired by Life Again?

Hey, we all wake up some days “dealing with the Funk”… whether it’s self-imposed funk or accidental funk, we’ve got the funk, and that funk feels… feels… kind of funky. ..

So “what do we want to do”,

Funk is funk…

Funk means heart attack. Yes, that’s right, heart attack. It is the real heart, the loving heart, or the spiritual heart.

So when we have the funk, it’s a heart attack and if we ignore that, or try to get out of that funk without taking a break, we’re going to escalate that funk into real problems.

Instead of snapping out of the funk, we have to give in.

The funk doesn’t last. The funk can last a day, sometimes a week. That week we need to mend the broken heart, so some shit needs to be changed.

Let’s take a look… at what we have to do when we give in to the funk…

1. Check for a physical funk heart attack.

Now, in Chinese medicine all the organs end up leading to the heart. So even if the anus has pain, that has something to do with the heart. So when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now we know we are having an attack in our heart on the physical side, we need to trace it back to the source.

That’s not ketchup, it’s the source of the root, and it can be kidney, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (if you’re just a woman) and more. So the heart attack causes the funk, but the attack comes from remote places.

I once had a heart attack that bought me into a funk for six months. I did more yoga and went to the doctors and they x-rayed my testicles until I glowed in the dark, but they still did more tests. They once put electrodes on my fingers and sent shocks through my body and asked me, “Did that hurt?” They should be working at Guantanamo Bay.

Despite all those tests and the new Lamborghini the specialist got from all my accounts, the funk didn’t go away. But one day, I bent down to pick up a coin and shzzaaaam I felt a pain in my body like I was giving birth to the incredible hulk… and I don’t have a vagina… so they took me to the hospital. and there was a kidney stone the size of an engagement ring in a Maasai warrior’s earlobe. I had been messing with my kidney for six months and now I decided to go out into the world.

Getting that rock down my urethra was like trying to suck a Biggest Loser contestant through a milkshake straw…or worse, trying to drink a McDonald’s Thick Shake through a straw…

After a week of taking pills that made the world look great, even my ex, they then sonic blasted that meteor-sized rock into tiny pieces that I was asked to collect in a strainer every time I peed for the next two weeks . . Well, it wasn’t hard to tell when to get to the colander, in fact my neighbors could have done it with the yelling and screaming I went through as pieces of coral went down Freddie and out of my body….

Suffice it to say that a few months later, there was no funk.

Funk is a heart attack and you know more than one funky day a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source… If you’re a guy over 50, get your cholesterol checked, send a sub to check your heart isn’t blocked, and ask a good doctor to send you a finger where fingers don’t they usually are apt to check the prostate…then if they can’t find something, look elsewhere, blood tests, etc.

My kidney stone could have been detected, but I backed off too quickly.

Once you’ve had an MRI of your entire body and your entire body…go to step 2.

Step 2. Check for Love Funk Heart Attack

Funk is also depression. Depression is a bad word because it’s kind of “stereotypical”… “hey, he’s got depression” is similar to “he has the prag – stay away, use a mask”.

So let’s call the depression “Love Funk”

For women this funk is not common. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially the man-haters)… and there are a lot of them… but that’s another topic.

For guys, “Love Funk” can come months and months after a moment of funk love. Like a breakup or some bad news like, “Hey, did you know your wife has been fucking with your neighbor?”… Many men are out of touch with their feelings, so even though they experience the shock of the Love Funk incident, there is a delayed reaction like an earthquake aftershock that can take months or years to appear.

I remember breaking up with a partner long before I was enlightened…(just kidding)…that was a while ago anyway. I was hurt but I didn’t even know it. I carried on like nothing happened and then I got the Funk…Love Funk…about 2 years later.

I went to the doctor and described my symptoms and he suggested that I needed psychological counseling. (which is still true) but that aside, I had Love Funk about a past relationship even though I was happy in the new one. It seems I hadn’t been that honest with myself and as my dad used to say, “toughen up and be strong” So here I was, with Love Funk.

I didn’t take the pills, I took some herbs…St John’s Wart…Which is the worst brand name for an antidepressant I’ve ever heard of. Who is St. John and why would his warts be better than mine… Anyway, I took that stuff and then got to work on my attachments, hurt, guilt (there were a lot) and anger about the whole old relationship. Shit it’s a waste of time, but I had the Funk and there was no way I was going to live in the Love Funk world for long.

Step 3. Check the Spiritual Funk Heart Attack

Spiritual Funk has driven me to the wall more times than I care to admit.

Spiritual funk means lost hope for some dream you had about the future.

When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL football star, I trained every morning, every night, I slept with a footy next to me, I had pictures on my walls and I loved playing footy. So one game I jumped to reach for the stars to take a mark and landed on my twisted ankle. He tore the ligaments from the bone. In those days, I plastered everything, even snake bites, so all I ended up with was a bonded ankle ligament that couldn’t tolerate rougher terrain than a bowling alley. I sprained that ankle over 100 times over the next few years, including in Nepal on Himalayan treks. It took five years of yoga to trust me again. Suffice to say my football career is over.

I got the Spiritual Funks and went to the doctor…he said, “You have depression,” but I was a hero, a laugh, a funny guy. No depression for me. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sports hero collapsed, so did I. I got the Spiritual Funk.

Years later, after my marriage blew up, and my three kids sailed around the world to, as my ex-wife said, “get as far away from you as possible”.. I got the Spiritual Funks again…. This time I was so Funked out I went to a cliff to jump.. I didn’t want any more funk… I didn’t jump – obviously.

Many, many, many, many… people I know have spiritual funk… You can tell a person with Spiritual Funk because they feel old to be around, lack the sparkle in their eyes and are obsessed with what other people think .

Spiritual Funk is bad funk…and to deal with it, we use four substitutes:

Food and drink and drugs… We can escape the Funk by passing it food, pouring liquor, or transporting our brains away from it. Thus, obesity, drug addiction, alcohol addictions, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon problems and more, can be directly related to spiritual Funk… Lost dreams, lost hopes and clinging to the past.

Greed… The poorest man I ever met was the richest. A billionaire who lived in fear of losing it. Greed is not measured in wealth of assets or frugal spending, it is measured in competitiveness, tension, stress and fear.

Sexuality… When all else fails, bonk. That is the mass consciousness that has saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Many – apart – most of the sex on the planet happens because there is nothing better to do.. and fortunately for us it is because otherwise we would run out of people to buy iMacs. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, resorts and more all work at Spiritual Funk for a major core business. When the lights go out at the end of the tunnel, people light a match, it’s called sexuality. A matchstick light in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel invisible anyway… It’s a great metaphor…

Spirituality… My friend is married to a guy. I feel sorry for him. She meditates 4 hours a day and thinks something great happens as a result. But really, the spark is gone and his hiding place is just being legitimized, cross-legged on the ground with closed eyes, in no man’s land…

My friend is in Spiritual Funk and has been there for 20 years. In the last five he’s also been gaining weight so now spirituality isn’t blocking the world enough, he’s eating.. my god he eats enough to feed a third world country… And then he has a colon… as part of his spiritual cleansing… His two children have recently become teenagers, and are under clinical supervision because of depression… remember my quote from Jung… “nothing affects the child more than the unlived life of the father? “

Conclusion

Ok, there are three sources of FUNK…all of which affect the heart.

There is Physical Funk that comes from the body but ultimately attacks the heart. This is the first place we should look if we have The Funk because your body is Nature’s Bible… it’s telling you things and it’s worth listening to.

There’s Love Funk… Emotional stuff that’s gone underground and eats away at your energy… how pent up anger turns into depression. Guilt, shame, guilt, victimhood, anger, jealousy, are triggers of Love Funk.

There is Spiritual Funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this Funk. It’s dark, desperate, and makes people act, breathe, eat, sleep, pray, and pray in crazy, weird ways. You can’t fight the Spiritual Funk…if you have it, because some dream has been broken, it’s time for you to reinvent yourself. Banging your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself may have an impact, but this is not what nature intended, and it’s certainly not a funk-free way to live.

Chris Walker

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