My 2 Year Old Has Not Pooped In 2 Days Those Crazy Football Rules

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Those Crazy Football Rules

Those crazy football rules

As we wait for the two weeks before the Super Bowl, we can talk about how Pittsburgh and Seattle taught everyone else how to play football.

you look March Madness? The team that ends up with the trophy is the one with the stamina. A few years ago, Utah was in the final game. They left before the end of the first half to my utter disappointment as I spent 8 years of my life at the University of Utah.

march madness, of course it’s basketball. Football is the hardest game that would have been explained and described by Charles Darwin if it had been invented in his day. However, American football came from Rugby. That’s the game where all the players got their teeth broken but still love the game. Only the fittest survive.

I loved soccer when I was a kid. My mom wouldn’t let me wear my high school football uniform with all the pads, helmet and other protective gear. Therefore, those of us who were not players went to the church compound and played on the grass without any uniform with the security team. Our season ended when everyone’s knees turned into playing potatoes (without kneepads) instead of touching the football.

In Korea we play tackle football without protective equipment. We could only do that when we were back on the reservation. We played as much as we could. If we broke a leg or an arm badly enough the worst that could happen to us would be to be sent home. We couldn’t play football on the line. We would have rolled down the mountain. (Also, we had phone lines to repair during the day that broke again every night. The lines were needed to call in mortar fire at night on the mortar rallies we made during the day.)

No one has received the slightest scratch in one of our football matches. Our season always ended when the CO said, “No more tackle football. It’s going to kill you out there.” (Every one of us had heard this from the regimental commander when we joined the unit. He always said, “Half of you won’t go home, you won’t be alive anyway.” Fortunately, he was wrong. Our regiment lost about 1000 GIs plus a large number of ROK soldiers who served in our units during the three years of the Korean War. When I was there, the losses were lower than before I got there and after I left).

The former is called by football commentators a sidelight. I don’t like secondary sob stories (or human interest stories) while watching football on TV any more than you liked the previous sidelight.

Anyway, my wife took up football. After resisting for 70 years, he finally gave in. He can’t believe he likes football now. What I mean is: He’s not dressed yet. He likes to watch it on TV. So now we talk about the game.

I’m usually reading a book or doing a logic puzzle during the game, but she gives it her undivided attention and gives me a constant stream of chatter that really gets me interested in the game.

Today you asked me about the sanctions and how they are applied. The penalty I was talking about was when Seattle had Carolina on the one yard line. It was a 5-yard procedural penalty. That meant the ball would be placed half way from the goal. I said, “I think it should be an automatic safety. The ball should be placed on the less 4 yard line. Now I know the refs probably didn’t have algebra so they should have called it a safety.

My wife wanted to know more. I said, suppose you’re on your opponent’s 16-yard line and you get a 15-yard penalty. The ball would be placed on the 1-yard line. Now suppose you are on the 14-yard line under the same circumstances. The ball would be placed half way from the field goal and you would get the ball on the 7.5 yard line.”

Stupid, right? (If I said the ball should be placed on the minus 1-yard line, everyone would moan, “There’s no way you’re going to get a touchdown!”).

This is what should happen in the second instance. The ball is placed on the 1-yard line and then half the distance to the goal. You should be on the ½ yard line. They should give you as many penalty meters as possible and then half the distance to the finish line for what’s left. That will always put you on the 1/2 yard line where you belong.

I would also like to see the fumble rules back where they belong. The ground cannot keep rising and thus knocking the ball out of the player’s hands and leaving with it.

Well, I have to go feed my horse.

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