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An Answer to Divorced, Separated, and Widowed Women Feeling Safe From Attackers
No woman needs to feel fear again if she is properly equipped with self-defense measures.
When divorce comes to visit, many things change. But one condition that most don’t want to think about is the fear of being alone. A woman who is recently divorced, separated, widowed may not admit it, but living alone is quite different from when they had the benefit of a husband in the picture.
When they finally admit they are truly alone, there is a rude awakening. Suddenly the creaks and cracks in the house become known. One could almost be convinced that there is an evil presence in the house with them. Looking under the beds and in the cupboards, becomes a ritual… “just in case”.
I admit that shortly after my husband died, I had my son Chris take off work to investigate the “intruder” upstairs. I knew it was a human step that I was hearing. I debated whether to call 911 or leave my house. Instead, I called Chris, who worked three miles from home.
Worried about his frightened mother, he dutifully checked the bed and the closet. He even went up to the attic which had no ladder. There was no one… anywhere.
He assured me that it was most likely the hot sun that caused the house boards to creak and crack. “Oh, I didn’t think of that.” I felt ashamed and sorry for taking him away from his job. I hoped his boss wouldn’t retaliate against him for my foolishness.
I began to wonder what would have happened if he had gone in the middle of the night. How would I have behaved then. Since my husband had died and wasn’t coming back, I had to hold on!
Years later, I beat the boos of living alone. In fact, I feel like an intruder wishes he had never come in to see this old lady because I have a plan. I rehearsed my retaliation if necessary. I will not tell the plan here, of course, but bad guys, beware!
There have been other times when I like other women, I’ve felt helpless, scared, and vulnerable in parking lots, walking down the street, or just walking into my house on a dark night. I learned to be alert, to think about my surroundings, and to plan what my reactions would be if someone tried to approach me before I was safely in my home or vehicle.
Fear can be a destructive emotion, depending on the power it is unleashed.
I recently met Professor Don Haley. This former Marine is now a Justice Department professor at Tidewater Community College in Virginia Beach.
Don’s experience as a police officer in Chesapeake, detective, police officer, deputy sheriff and correctional officer in Virginia Beach speaks volumes for his experience. He was daily exposed to domestic violence against women and girls, and other criminals.
Don said, “As a former police officer/detective and current criminal justice professor, I have been exposed to the realities of violence against women that occur every day in our society. The National Crime Victimization Survey stated that at least 248,300 women in the United States were raped or sexually assaulted in 2007. The number of reported and unreported acts of domestic violence against women is beyond belief.
In February 2008, I traveled to El Paso, Texas, to serve as an expert witness in the murder and sexual assault trial of a 15-year-old girl named Melissa Medina. Melissa was attacked by Irving Alvin Davis, a self-proclaimed Satan worshipper. Davis was convicted and is currently sitting on death row awaiting execution for the atrocities and mayhem he inflicted on this innocent child.
This horrible trial had a profound impact on my life. Not only was I moved to tears, but so was the action. I decided to combine my experience in law enforcement with my knowledge as a former professional boxer and mixed martial artist to generate 20 effective moves that are easy to learn. I am convinced with all my heart and soul that these moves can and will prevent women from having their lives traumatically changed forever by the many predators who roam our streets.”
This experience pushed him to find a solution for women’s safety. To continue training, he participated in a course presented by Captain Ray Greenwood of the Virginia Beach Police Department and Tidewater Community College. Captain Greenwood is the acclaimed expert on domestic violence, who in 1995 created this excellent college course entitled “Domestic Violence”.
“The course has improved our criminal justice program immensely. This course has given me great satisfaction knowing that our Administration of Justice Program at Tidewater Community College has helped our community not only raise awareness, but solve such a horrific epidemic” .
Based on my experiences and education, my hope is that if we can prevent just one woman from experiencing the emotional and physical pain that today’s predators seek to inflict, it will truly bring rest to my soul.”
If you are a man reading this, you should care about your daughter, sister, mother, wife or partner, to help them feel more secure.
Knowing that a man of his stature seeks out vulnerable women, myself included, gives me a sense of comfort.
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